I need to stop coming to work sober
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
third nipple confirmed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
