I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
