just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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