I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
