Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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