sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
