thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
