You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
