i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
