Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
