I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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