Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
