It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
