Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize