so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
