I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had to coat check the pizza.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
that is very illegal...i love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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