I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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