Soap is not a condiment
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
