Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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