I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
