you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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