She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
