to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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