ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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