She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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