I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
