you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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