should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
