I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
