..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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