I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
