I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Are we in a gay sports bar?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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