The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.