I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize