if i can run in heels then i can drive
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
