Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
