he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
