I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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