We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
