It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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