Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
