just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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