you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
