the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
