Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
