Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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