Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
