You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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