the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
