I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
