omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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