ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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