Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
