I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
