i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A bitchslap is in order.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
