....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
