so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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